TEN Things I Tell Myself When They're Driving Me Crazy!

When you're locked in a room alone with a kid, it doesn't take long before you start feeling your sanity slipping away. They can just make you crazy. Whether it's the "NO!" that feels an awful lot like a defiant challenge of your know-how and experience, or the constant repetition of "Why?" or some inhuman noise that doesn't ... ever ... stop - kids can push the limits of our patience! ... And sometimes it feels like they are doing it on purpose!

Over the years I have taken care of kiddos as a young woman with no kids, been locked in (for what seemed like DAYS!) my house with my own homeschooled kids, and been stuck in rooms full of preschoolers who cried or whined or RAN non-stop as I tried to change diapers, get hands washed and maybe even teach a little curriculum. Over the years of working with kids, I've learned to tell myself a couple of things when I get near the breaking point of my patience.

1. Breathe! You can't think if you don't have oxygen to your brain. Can you get them to stop and breathe with you?
2. It seems like the clock has stopped moving right now, but actually this will probably be over more quickly than it seems at the moment!
3. Don't assume they know all that you know. They only have a few years of knowledge and experience to your 20 ... 30 ... 40 ... plus.
4. Look in their face and think of three things you love about this kid .... Now let's focus on that.
5. They are watching and imitating what you do. If you get louder, they will too. If you slow down and speak quietly to their eyes, they will too!
6. How are you using their name? That is what they will hear for years to come, so use it carefully and purposefully.
7. What can we do differently ... right now ... to change the course of what is happening right now?
8. What are my face and body telling them right now? Would I "say" that to another adult?
9. Is this thing I'm asking really worth the battle I'm about to turn it into? Am I really willing to do what I'm telling them I will do? (If not, don't say it. Not doing what you say teaches them you don't mean what you say. Being too harsh tells them they can't trust you to be in charge.)

Getting control of myself and my own emotions has proved to be the key to taking control of my kids' behavior and emotions. They "take on" our emotions, so the more agitated and angry we let ourselves get, the more they will feel out of control. In contrast, the more collected and self-controlled we act, the more quickly they will calm down.

In the moment of pending insanity, it seems very hard to calm yourself and to talk yourself into calmer reactions, but it is critical in working with kids. Keep in mind that leaving your scheduled activity and going to a quieter place to get control of yourself can actually accelerate the speed with which you get control of the situation, because the longer you are out of control, the longer the children will be also.


*It is CRITICAL that if you feel like you are close to losing control and hurting a child, that you call someone for help! Call a neighbor to come over for a minute so you can breathe. Call a supervisor or another teacher to let you slip out of your class for a moment. Or take your kids outside and let them run while you get your emotions together. Don't stay in a place or circumstance where you are about to lose it!